Waiting to eat?

Sort of thought I would get a response today and looked at King Arthur Flour’s website and I see someone wearing leather gloves holding a bread loaf. This is another reason why I was hoping I would be found a match to donate bone marrow. Just a little bit more sensitive to life and death would be a brand to trust. I’ll stop there.

Mix Ten

I was settling on the mix’s status at never made. I contacted the app company and they asked me to run a debug program and send it to them. Inspired by Tiesto’s instagram, I reluctantly said I’ll just run the debug program I downloaded early this morning and shut down some things and try to run through it again (one more try). The mix is challenging at some points with heavy theme transitions and epic songs that I don’t usually like to overplay. The program didn’t freeze and the mix is complete with only a few minor improvements that could be made mostly with syncing abnormalities and a lack of controller. The computer’s processor is not up to some software’s minimum requirements, so I’ll have to make due because my birthday money and budget has been spent mostly on being able to go to New Orleans and Florida at the beginning of September. I’ll repost the mix below. See the other Mix X post for the picture of the written notes.

July 30th, 2019 7:28pm to 8:50pm

Imaginary (Extended Mix) – Zonderling
No (Callie Reiff Remix) – Alison Wonderland
Love Me (Extended Mix) – Felix Cartal & Lights
Dancing in the Rain (feat. Julia DeTomaso) [Big Room Mix] – Da Hool
Don’t Stop Me Now – Mark Knight & Adrian Hour
The Clock (Extended Mix) – Mark Sixma
Lightwork (feat. Andy Mineo, 1K Phew, Tedashii, WHATUPRG, Lecrae, Trip Lee, CASS) – 116
Barraca (feat. MC Pikachu) [Extended Mix] – Garmiani
GET UP – Shinedown
God Only Knows – for KING & COUNTRY
Teonanacatl – Nihil Young, Wlady
Bounce (Extended Mix) – Firebeatz x Schella & Pexem
Bandana (Extended Mix) – Maor Levi & OTIOT
SIT DOWN GARY !!! – Example
Chaos Theory – Mark Knight & Adrian Hour
Butterfly – Siwell & Lucky Vegas
Uno (Extended Mix) – John Christian
That Was Just Your Life – Metallica

Troubling news in progress *updated

I have been contacting flour companies recently on a new idea I had about growing practices and farm associations. For example does that company that looks like it only makes flower have a field of cows on the side that are used for dairy and meat consumption. Also, are there animal products in the fertilizer? *Update – I am reading about organic fertilizer types ‘bone meal and blood meal’ which are by-products of slaughterhouses. Are you still ok with that in your food? Do you remember in school growing up when they put the color dye in the celery?* I heard back from Arrowhead Mills who cannot guarantee that they are vegan. ‘Natural, vegetarian, harm-free/stree-free manner’ are some of the words used. It almost reads like good news until you think a minute and then it’s sounds like politically good news for a non-vegan. I responded in saying though that is sounds good to a non-vegetarian. I think vegetarian is a fair person who possibly enjoys life, but has a lot of contradictions and conflicts that may make them a little crazy. Vegans are probably more sane I would think, even though I may not have that image all of the time. I don’t think you believe me when I tell you why. So, I am waiting to hear back exactly what about is not guaranteed vegan. When a company says this, it is possible they think I am a lawsuit or not worth the trouble as a singular customer to indulge me in the details. Really I just want an honest answer from the start. I emailed flour companies over a year ago or more and talked about shared processing. If there is a symbol with a U on it, from an allergist perspective it has not been shared with dairy and should be NON-GMO from a religious standpoint. From a pessimist someone might be habitual in saying how they cannot guarantee something because some wild animal passed through the crop or some prankster threw milk on the crops to be the spoil of someone with principles, but this is not what I am talking/asking about. I became vegan because of principle and feeling. I was becoming an uncontrollable animal from some product I was consuming at GNC and my brain told me the problem was deep-rooted in a life-long ignorant diet and that the majority of our society was becoming animalistic. We are not primitive anymore and do not need to rely on our Indian ancestral ways or the like. We are in the camp about to be attacked by bears. In defense we killed the bear and used it for warmth to get through the winter and ate the meat. Some of us have died from poison berries, we feel strong from attacking bear. Something like that statement doesn’t get said with the majority of fast food. There are not animals in the city and there are way more grocery stores then one can ever enter in Houston. So, it seems irresponsible for a big organization (Arrowhead is a part of Hain Celestial) to be slowly leaking me information like I am a child who is about to starve themselves. Ok, may be I am, but not because I said before that vegan is too high a title for anyone to claim. Many of us claim it and I tell everyone that I am a strict vegan. I won’t be turning back as the tests roll in to allow me to checkpoint past the three year mark in about a month. I still hate a compromising vegetarian-imaged company that is run by probably people of all types of diet, making me work for free to throw out my food and discount three years into personal foolishness. What is everyone so afraid of? There is more truth that hurts later when it has been hidden by those you have trusted. I also emailed King Arthur Flours which I promoted in a much earlier post. What is it that makes me trust a brand? What is it that makes me think I was following my heart? What is it about our soul that makes us think we are going with God for example? I guess this is scratch. Contact everyone in the fridge. (Sounds like a joke when I posted about Dexter in the previous post.) Everything you own is in question. I don’t know if this is what I love and I am losing what I love (against the musical advice of Chvrches), but it is a reason to live.

Last line of Dave Matthews Band’s ‘If I Had It All’

2 more days

July to me feels like a double month. I forgot to mention I continued the ‘Karma Journey’ with two random seasons of Dexter, two Wii games (De Blob and Jillian Michael’s Fitness Ultimatum 2009) and Best of SNL Molly Shannon. The list of IOU from stuff that I wasn’t really a part of is not even postable because I can’t really remember them unless I see them in a pawn shop. All good deals but they add up. I’m contributing to solving even spiritual world problems of the past especially if they are connected to what you might call a dead relationship. I get the problems all the time and sometimes besides donating blood to potentially save a life, it is a purpose to improve what might effect someone else later and is inspiring in my journey. Like someone in a prison of life, I think deeply about what I did wrong to deserve whatever it is afflicting me. If I am presented with an opportunity to payback something, I try to fit it in the budget. I might watch this SNL even though I don’t think I have seen it, just contributing and appreciating those that were part of these important, entertainment selections.

Today I wrote an very in depth dissertation on music and tattoos and my observations with the feeds recently. I decided not to publish the post titled ‘Where is the enemy?’ I will consider that at a later date when reviewed and edited.

Two more days in July and an important finish it is.


I showed up and was able to get the outline and a start on the fill-in today from tattoo artist Miguel. He is from San Luis, Mexico and also tattooed in the country. It will be finished on Adam Duritz’ birthday. Not sure if this is going to also count as August’s tattoo as I am thinking it may be a little bit of a tough month financially because of September’s trip. I also was able to continue discussions about an apprenticeship in the shop sometime as a possibility and it sounds promising. If it happens does anyone want to volunteer for being the palette for my first real practice tattoo? Email social@ckwal.net and let me know when you would be in the Houston area. Probably wouldn’t be until later in the year if the ball gets rolling.

End of July

Though things are getting to a rocky road, I am taking a leap of faith and getting one more tattoo tonight. Since there has been no official July ‘Tattoo of the Month’ in eastern standard time, the plan is to go back into Rocko’s tonight around 7pm for a rare Che image (profile only) I bought there that was on a fabric rectangle with his name in caps under it. My mix theme’s dedication masterpiece is pending next month’s decision depending on the mix, but that has five tattoo sessions on it already including the bandana convention piece. In total it looks like seven distinct elements and I declared it finished in an earlier post. This new one I just talked about is going on the sleeve between Sasuke and the Korean language rendition of the Oasis logo near the left elbow. I am mostly familiar with Che around the time I taught in Russia and revisited later. He was a revolutionary icon in history, but today there are conflicting ideas about how his spirit lives with us and influences the world. I think this is because he lived several different lives in his travels of the world and went through distinct transitions. A lot of my attachment is based on a dream in which I may share more at a later time, but he does fit into the plot of this year. Not necessarily with my ideals or representation of him, but with the corruption of it and how like I explained earlier this week as the enemy tries to turn my allies on me. This was a difficult decision and I’ll still be amazed if tonight ends with this plan. To be continued.

One more post

You just like the idea of me… This year has been an imaginary journey in partial creation of an idea of a person, the focus of the mixes starting at the bridge. Based on real events, real aspirations and a real person, though the reality is that most of a spiritual journey or dream is not based on provable fact. Songs that are released to us may look like they are eerily similar to what is going on in our lives. The reason I was rehearsing for this post is that as a DJ once you start connecting people to mixes you run the risk of hurting others, being viewed as a cheater of sorts or a male floosy, or just being confused in the theme of a mix. This year’s soul pain is from creating the image, idea, personality, story, expectations of someone and committing to it in real ways as a solitary individual (body) in physical presence. Some may think one or the other approaches is more difficult. When I was thinking about it early this evening in my disappointment, I said to myself, “How can I forget this? How can/could anyone fulfill this role including the one it may have been based on?” Doesn’t this approach render reality a bleak and desolate outcome? Impossible to take it or not to. At times if you have been following this journey, may have remembered rude interruptions of reality waking us from the dream. It makes it difficult to continue. Mix X was a major one. I don’t remember exactly what happened before and during it’s conception, but I am going against every grain in my body to continue so many things, not even Ckwal related. I fear I have lost myself and cannot remember who I was or what I ever wanted to be. Mix X felt like that. A betrayal to who I ever was. Why would I continue? Why can’t I just walk away from the project? Looking at the next two, besides making mistakes which i just edited, I don’t know where I went. I had to strikethrough “What about me?” I heard lil Wayne wrote this about dating a stripper or something like that. When I first heard it, I felt that pain. When thinking about using it for a mix though, I thought I don’t need anymore of that. I typed it in because in my imagination and crossing over into my visual world, my dream was being taken as the girl of my dreams was cheating on me in front of my face. In my head, in my dreams, in my imagination, you name it. At work, on the road, after work, everywhere. Devil or whatever you call it will lie to you to separate you from loved ones, family, friends and anyone you trust or gives you support, power, motivation to empower others and cycle forward reasons to live and solve problems. Jealousy and anger turn to depression and then like a computer overheating too often with a an that isn’t strong enough will shut down. Our minds, our bodies shuts down. Then spiritual thieves will even try to rob us that or the previously earned feelings. I don’t know what is more painful as I have experienced three types (real, imaginary, imagination in real life). I had a friend in college that was in a similar relationship as I read about lil Wayne and I always thought about it. Somethings change in your soul when you meet certain people or make crucial decisions and you become someone different. Other things happen that may prepare us for what we need, to meet certain situations or people. I am not going to pretend I can play that work even though I can identify and feel it in the song. I am also not going to pretend you know what is happening to me during this journey that makes it so real. If it keeps going like it does shutting me down, I won’t finish the year on this blog.

Week end

I have to return the movie tonight and foolishly tried to watch more of it. I had to skip every scene with the girlfriends. Seems like something good could have happened with what the movie had to work with, but watching this movie is like work on a bad day. So 50$ software that freezes in the mix and work. I missed a lot of actual work this week too because of my eyes and the ear piercing infection made everything laughably painful. So much for my posts of a better half of the year full of love and understanding. To be honest I was tempted to not pay my rent and fly out to a new job somewhere in Asia. I dropped the money order in the office mailbox so I wouldn’t sacrifice my hard work this far for what I was doing seven years ago, but with no continuing experience. When things are so bad, do you ever get the spark that something really good must be ahead in the distance?


I started Greta last night and with an R rating due to violence and disturbing images I am alienated. Am I turning into a stubborn old man or was it because I was not in the targeted audience that it seems like every movie has to have some lines to destroy something for the rest of your life. Happy Death Day 2U had three that I could count. Glass must have been way off in the general conception of the film being for a less corrupted audience not only in the movie, but the previews. I don’t know what I expect, but I never have had such terrible luck with movies. I was thinking I would get the movie pass this previous week for the cinema since the music mixes aren’t happening. That changed after five minutes of this movie. Three movies I don’t recommend.

Post word

I remember when I started that MixList and in general it was just as difficult to wrap my mind around. I get out of it not knowing the dedication stays the same and not knowing that I may have been carried back to that direction. Don’t get me wrong it is a mental sandstorm. Not without questioning why, because the whole time I’m plowing through good music getting stuck. It solves problems as the music choices play out and you are doing that no matter what you choose. Tough self-therapy and it probably works for anyone. If not with this list, then with your own. Music at times feels like it won’t let you in as the meanings are all one-dimensional and stuck in the past or something you want to forget. It won’t stay that way unless you don’t let that change.